My Little Experiment

For almost as long as I can remember I have been self-conscious about various aspects of my appearance. Over the years there have been stretches of time that I was much less self-conscious, accepting of, even confident in my appearance; the pendulum swings through time and circumstance.

Despite periods of self-satisfaction, I have always worn make-up.  I have worn make-up since I was somewhere in my teen years, when my mother reluctantly consented, stating that I was "beautiful without make-up".  Along with make-up, I used long hair and bangs to hide my self-aggrandized imperfections.  

My mother was my model for this particular life decision, that is, to wear make-up.  She wore light make-up and always wore lipstick. She would go to the mailbox only after applying lipstick.   I can only conjure up a couple of times that I have left my home without make-up on, and I think both times I had it with me in the car to apply before arriving at my destination.

All that said, I decided to try a little experiment (no, I did not go out in public without make-up).  I applied my regular make-up regime to only one side of my face and left the other side o'natural.  I then approached my husband with camera in hand and asked him to snap a photo of my face.  Before handing over the camera I asked him if he noticed anything different about me.  At this point he was standing directly in front of me, inches from my face.  He started to discuss my hair.  I redirected him to my face.  He was puzzled and perplexed unable to identify the change.

I informed him of my little experiment, he nodded and said something like "you don't wear a lot of make-up"
and then he took this photo:

(Does this pic count as going out in public without make-up on?)

I studied the pic for a few minutes and contemplated his response.  I looked in the mirror as I proceeded to complete the application process on the other side.   I thought about the countless hours I have engaged in covering-up (albeit a light application).  I considered the cumulative cost of products over the years. I still think I look better in make-up, but I also think I have put much too much emotional, physical, and mental energy into the "needing" to wear make-up.

I wonder if my two daughters will absorb the same "need".  They watch me apply make-up every day. They have asked obvious questions regarding my daily and consistent application process:  "What are you doing to your face mommy?"  My response, "I'm fixing my face."  The reply, "Is it broken?"  I have yet to find a comfortable response to any of their questions.

Ultimately, I would like to think that my mother was right.  Perhaps I can use this little experiment to focus my energy on much more important things in life, with or without make-up.