For the past week I have been feeling quite a bit introspective. I naturally cycle through an introspective period about once every six months. If I don't talk about it or, better yet, write about my thoughts and feelings, I am left feeling anxious and unsettled for weeks. So, why not keep a journal?
I have just never been able to do it. I had never been able to commit to writing every day, or every week, or with any consistency. Furthermore, I do not like hand-writing anymore. My penmanship has seriously gone astray and my thoughts become too scattered when I do not have the luxury of the delete key. I tried keeping a journal on my computer for a period, but I got bored with it, or something, and let it go. Then my blog was born. Whew, I have finally found a way to express myself without the commitment of a journal. What's the difference?
I really don't know, but I am grateful to be writing, to be expressing my feelings openly (pretty much). Yes, I edit my posts, not always expressing my every thought or feeling, but I always edited any journaling I have done. I know that journaling, or in my case blog-journaling, can be beneficial. Reflecting on where I am , where I have been, and where I want to go in my life is, in my opinion, necessary for healthy living. At some point, I will be printing it out at for long-term keeping and posterity.
So, my most recent ponderings have been focused on consistencies and inconsistencies in my life. For quite some time I have been consistently sick. In the grand scheme of things, nothing too serious, but I cannot remember, over the past year or so, a period of more than a few weeks where I was not in some state of not well. I enjoy exercising and playing sports (soccer) but I have had to take so much time off for healing that I am longing to get back into shape and rebuild my strength, endurance and overall fitness level. Not sure what I can do to change this pattern of illnesses, but I am back playing soccer and going to the gym, despite the fact that I am still getting over a cold and I injured my leg a little.
As for inconsistency in my life, I have been preparing for several of my friends in the area to be moving away. I live in a very transient city and many of my friends are here for higher educational purposes and will be moving on upon completion of their (or their spouses) studies. I will likely continue to maintain our friendships through facebook and blogging, but it's sure not the same as having them here face to face. I am truly grateful for all my friends both near and far, but having a close friend nearby, who is not planning to move anytime soon, would be a welcomed consistency in my life.
Finally, I have mentioned several times in my blogging that I want to live more happily; to laugh more; and to generally have more fun. I will continue to seek after these things, but I realized recently that my idea of a happy life was pretty much unattainable. My "all or nothing" pattern of thinking had me seeking after a fun fest rather than a normal healthy state of living with it's ups and downs. So my new outlook is to acknowledge the bad or difficulties in my life, but to focus on that which is worth focusing on, or that which will allow me to feel happy, to laugh, and to have fun.
Happy Valentine's Day
3 weeks ago