Past and Future

Approximately every six months I naturally do a bit of self-analysis.  I consider where I am and where I would like to be going. This often includes a look at my physical, mental, emotional, and my spiritual well-being and /or relationships with others.  It is not something I plan out or make myself do, it is a cyclical occurrence that I consider a blessing in my life.   Through these reflective experiences, I have often rekindled an appreciation for my own life and for the people I have in it, as well as generating hope for my future.

Last March I found inspiration from a Primary song: "If The Savior Stood Beside Me" .   I wrote in a blog entry:
"I know that I am not perfect but I am striving to be a disciple of Christ, to be a loving and supportive wife and mother.  I hope that the lyrics of this song can find a place to call home in my heart and in my mind, that I may always think of my Savior standing next to me".

In September I wrote: 
"For almost as long as I can remember I have been self-conscious about various aspects of my appearance. Over the years there have been stretches of time that I was much less self-conscious, accepting of, even confident in my appearance; the pendulum swings through time and circumstance."

During this reflective state I was able to consider my own self-image and come to a better understanding of how my personal habits have been directly influenced by that self-image. Furthermore, I was able to see a better path for my future as a result of the process.

In January 2012 I wrote in another blog entry:
" I have been thinking about the new year and what I would like to accomplish.  I thought about working on being a better mother, spouse, friend, etc.  What it all comes down to for the new year is that I want to be more like Jesus.  I am not talking about becoming a fanatic about my religion but to apply these simple principles, found in the lyrics to this song, to my daily living." 
The song I was referring to was another Primary song,  "I'm Trying To Be Like Jesus."

Which brings me to now, 2014.  January is one of my favorite months.  I was born in January, I was baptized a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the month of January (1987), and although my mother died in the month of January (in the year 1995 just days before my 25th birthday), God's Plan of Salvation allows me to know that I will see her again.  I know that my mother is safe and well and busy working in heaven.  Despite the great loss of not having her here with me, I know and feel that she is very much a part of my life.  I am truly grateful for this knowledge, and it is a great comfort and blessing in my life.  Finally, January starts a new year and as previously indicated, it naturally is a great time for me to reflect on my life both past and future. 

This month I am drawn back to my previous inspirations, the two Primary songs: "If The Savior Stood Beside Me"  and  "I'm Trying To Be Like Jesus." .   I think of the Savior every day.  I think about the choices I make each day that are pleasing to Him and I feel His love everyday.  I also recognize the many times each day that I fall short and make choices that are not pleasing to Him.  I still feel His love every day. 

I often tell my daughters that no matter what they do, no matter how bad they are behaving, or how upset I am with them, "I will Always Love Them No Matter What!"   It is the same with our Heavenly Father and The Savior, no matter what choices we make they will always love us.  

I tell my daughters that Jesus will never walk away from them, that only they can walk away from Him.  I know that I often make choices that cause me to walk away from the Savior but I also know that I can turn around and walk back toward Him and He will always be there for me.

One final inspiration for the coming year came to me a few days ago.  My four-year-old has been going through a very demanding and whiny stage that has been very taxing to deal with.  It has been going on for quite some time now and my patience with it has dwindled to next to nothing.  A thought came to me that I needed to separate myself from her, not physically, but intellectually and emotionally not allow her reactions and responses to control my feelings and responses. Easier said than done, but I look forward to using this inspiration to make my future, with my daughter, a lot brighter.